I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
