What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
