what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
