The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
