So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
