Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
