She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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