this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize