belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize