This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
