He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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