Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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