So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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