Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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