My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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