So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
