I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
