yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
sarcasm needs its own font
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
