Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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