Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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