Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
