i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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