like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
