I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I met the friendliest cop last night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
