So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
