Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
