I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
