How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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