I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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