If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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