I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
