I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
