Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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