Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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