Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
