what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
