You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
