Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We have started to decorate penises.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
