i was born a porn star she said
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
