last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
3 2 1 whiskey
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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