She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I supernannyed him into submission
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize