I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm always down for nudity.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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