I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
