Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She bit a glass in half.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
