As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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