I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
