please come you make the beer taste better
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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