Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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