I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
