I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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