I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
