Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
