he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
