I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and she was petting her beer can
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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