Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
