I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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