it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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