He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
