ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize