She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
