Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
