We won't sleep together?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
